


Just a Bad Dream

by wordsarelifealways



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Brief mention of drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Isak has a nightmare, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9227186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsarelifealways/pseuds/wordsarelifealways
Summary: Isak has a nightmare about the night his dad left





	

**Author's Note:**

> This got considerably sadder than I intended it to; proceed with caution!

On any given day there were probably half a dozen contributing factors to the fact that Even’s sleeping pattern was a certifiable mess.  It had been like that since he was about 15 and he had learned a long time ago that even if he could reason each issue away he’d still be lying awake all night.

Tonight’s issue plain old creativity.  His brain just wouldn’t stop ticking over with ideas for his latest class project.  Every time he had tried to turn over or he press his face further into the pillow or into the soft crevice of Isak’s neck his brain would fire a dozen more ideas off in rapid succession.

It wasn’t the first night he’d had this problem and he had no doubt that it wouldn’t be the last either.  Experience had him prepared though.  When Even eventually gave in and admitted to himself that he wasn’t going to get any sleep that night he got up and grabbed his notebook.

He was undecided on if it was sad or brilliant that he had a notebook specifically for this situation.  Either way, writing it out was – at the very least – going to untangle his racing thoughts.  With a sigh he slid back under the duvet and flicked the lamp on.

The first night Even had been sharing a bed with Isak and he had to get up and write in the middle of the night he was worried he was going to wake Isak up, but as it turned out his boy could sleep through pretty much anything as long as Even was still there for him to snuggle up against.  It was quite endearing really.

Even settled back against the wall and crossed his legs, balancing his notebook against one knee while Isak buried his face against the side of Even’s thigh and let out a small sigh.  Moments like this were the ones that killed him the most: when Isak would do something so innocent that Even’s heart felt like it was going to combust in his chest from the sheer force of how much he loved this boy.

He allowed himself a moment of indulgence and ran his fingers gently through Isak’s hair, enjoying the way Isak pressed into the touch even in his sleep.  Even bent over awkwardly and kissed his temple before sitting back up and clicking his pen open and finding a fresh page in his notebook.

With a quick glance at his phone he wrote the time and date in the top corner of the page, a habit Sonja had gotten him into when they thought there might have been a pattern to his erratic sleep, and then he was off.  His pen was racing across the page in a frantic game of catch up with his brain, giving Even a simultaneous feeling of dread and relief.  The more he wrote the more ideas he got and the more ideas he had the faster he had to write to keep up with them.

Come morning he wasn’t even sure he’d be able to read it, but there was no way he could sleep with all these thoughts buzzing in his brain like agitated wasps.  Usually there wasn’t anything that could pull him out of this headspace; he just had to ride it out until the ideas stopped and he stopped hearing his heartbeat like a drum beat in his head.

A hitched breath from Isak, though, and Even’s attention immediately shifted.  He whispered Isak’s name, unsure if the boy was waking up or not.

Not a peep in response.

Even watched him for a few seconds before deciding Isak was just dreaming.  He went back to his writing, feeling less frantic than he had done a minute ago.  Even asleep Isak had a soothing effect on him.

Although Isak didn’t appear to be having a very _calm_ sleep.

When Even felt the boy next to him go rigid as a board he dumped his notebook unceremoniously on the bedside table in favour of checking on his boyfriend.  He was just about to open his mouth when Isak jerked, still dead asleep, and curled himself into a tight defensive looking ball.

Something about the sight hurt Even’s heart, and the pain managed to carve itself deep into his bones when Isak let out a small whine and mumbled something that Even couldn’t make out.

“Isak?” Even brushed the curls from Isak’s forehead and was startled by how hot he was to the touch.  Just as Even was about to shake him awake Isak sucked in a sharp breath and his eyes snapped open.  Even repeated the boy’s name but got no response and he felt the frown forming on his face as the seconds ticked by.

The room was silent apart from Isak’s short rapid breathing.

Even had no idea how to help this unseen side of Isak.  The boy seemed frozen to the spot – maybe still in the clutches of sleep paralysis? – and his eyes were glassy and distant.

“Isak?” Even murmured as he cupped the side of his boyfriend’s face.  For a few seconds Isak remained unresponsive, but when Even gently ran his thumb along his cheekbone Isak slid his gaze up to Even’s face and his breathing began to slow down.

“You in there?” Even smiled faintly, tracing the soft skin under Isak’s eyes.

“Yeah.” Isak croaked, some of the tension starting to melt out of his muscles.  “Yeah, I’m here.” He raised a shaky hand up and pushed his hair away from his face.  Regardless of the fact that Isak was soaked in sweat Even pulled him into his chest and dropped a kiss to his forehead.

“You had me worried for a second there.” Even said as he lay back down, letting Isak tuck his head under his chin.

“It was just a bad dream.” Isak mumbled.  The way he was practically trying to crawl under Even’s skin made Even suspect that maybe it was a bit more than that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He ran his fingers slowly through Isak’s damp hair, knowing it soothed him.  Isak was quiet for a minute, silently trembling against Even’s chest.  Even stayed quiet too, allowing Isak time to get his bearings, occasionally dropping kisses to Isak’s hair or face to reassure him that he was here.

Even always found Isak’s kisses so grounding when he felt like he was slipping away from himself; he hoped his little kisses had the same effect for Isak.  It took a few minutes, but eventually the last of the tension left Isak’s muscles and he slumped against Even tiredly.

“It was just a dream about my mum.” Isak sighed, his face half mashed into Even’s chest.

“I’m sorry.” Even rubbed his hand in slow circles over Isak’s back.  He knew Isak had a lot of conflicting emotions about his mother and her condition.  Even also knew that it only weighed on Isak so much because he loved his mother, even though she was no longer the person Isak wished she was.

“Do you want to talk about it?  Or about her?” Even never really knew how to broach the subject of Marianne Valtersen.  He knew Isak worried about Even thinking badly of him for how he felt about his mother, and no amount of reassuring shifted that fear.  As a result, Isak generally didn’t talk about his life before Eskild took him in.

He guarded that part of his life like a wounded animal protected an injury.

Even didn’t like it, but he wasn’t going to force it out of Isak either.

“I- it was the night my dad left.” Isak tensed against Even, bunching Even’s shirt in his fist nervously.

“That must have been a shit night.” Even acknowledged and Isak let out a strangled laugh.

“It was beyond shit.  My dad, he had his suitcase all packed and when I got home from school they were just right there in the hallway shouting at each other.  She was a mess; crying and shouting and trying to pull the suitcase out of my dad’s hand and he was just stood there.  He just stood there like it was nothing.  He kept saying that he couldn’t live with it – with _her_ – any more.” Isak’s voice cracked and Even wrapped his arm tighter around his boy.

“Like _I_ could live with her?  It was hard enough when dad was there to help her; it just got worse when he was gone.  That night was…awful.” Isak shuddered and Even wished he had the words to soothe the memory away.

The truth was that Even had no idea what to say in response to Isak’s story, so he kept quiet instead.  That seemed to suit Isak.

“Dad walked out and I was stood there thinking _fuck what do I do now_?” Isak shook his head, his eyes fixed somewhere across the room.  “I made something for dinner.  The house was so fucking awkward.  I could hear her crying from wherever I was, but I didn’t want to talk to her because I felt like it was all her fault that he’d left.  If she could have just kept it together…if she could have just _tried-_ ” Isak shook his head and swallowed.

“I know that’s not how it works, but that’s how I felt.  I managed to get her into the kitchen, but she just started shouting about how he couldn’t do this to her, he couldn’t just leave his wife because he didn’t believe her about what was coming.  She was convinced something awful was going to happen and we had to be ‘ready’, she started crying again because she knew my dad wasn’t going to do anything like that because he didn’t believe her.  She kept saying over and over how he was going to die, how we were _all_ going to die.” Isak swallowed thickly and Even felt like his heart was going to break right down the middle for this boy.

“She worked herself right up.  I was setting the table and I put the food out and she just threw it at the wall.  She threw everything.  The food, the plates, everything.  It was so loud, and she was screaming about shit I couldn’t even hear and I had to get out.  I _had_ to.  I had to get the fuck away from her; I’d never seen her act like that.  I couldn’t- I didn’t- I-” Isak was struggling to breathe now, and he shot a panicked look up at Even.

“Hey, Isak, c’mon, sit up.” Even pulled the boy up carefully, hating how Isak shook so violently as he tried to suck in air.  Even pulled him over to the edge of the bed and guided Isak’s head between his legs.

“You did the right thing.” Even rubbed slow circles over Isak’s back as he tried to get his breath back.  “Sometimes you just can’t help a person, no matter how much you want to.”

“I didn’t leave.” Isak’s chest was heaving and he shook like a fucking leaf and it broke Even’s heart.

“You didn’t?”

“No.  I- I drugged her.” Isak sounded so pained, and Even heard the telltale hitch in his breath that meant he was close to tears.  “Sh-she was such a mess and I couldn’t _leave_ her like that.  I- I made her a drink and put a couple of her sedatives in it and convinced her to go sit on the sofa and calm down.” Isak buried his face in his hands and Even swallowed.

It wasn’t exactly a shining act of chivalry, but Even had no idea what he would have done in Isak’s position.  To be 17 and suddenly alone with a woman who was screaming about the end of the world and destroying everything in sight sounded terrifying.

Even was used to being the one terrifying someone else.

“Please don’t hate me.” Isak choked as he sat back upright and Even snapped back to attention.

“What?”

“I didn’t know what else to do.  I know it was a shit thing to do, drug my own mother, but I- I was scared out of my fucking mind and-”

“Isak.” Even interrupted firmly.  He watched the fear on Isak’s face and shook his head sadly.  “I don’t hate you.  I could _never_ hate you.  Sure, drugging her probably wasn’t a great solution but I can’t say for certain that I wouldn’t have done the same thing.  And it’s over now.” Even added, pressing a kiss to Isak’s temple.

“I was so fucking scared.” Isak whispered.  His eyes were wide and glistening with tears that Even knew were going to spill over his cheeks the second he blinked.

“Anyone would be scared in that situation, baby.” Even murmured, sliding an arm around Isak’s waist.  Immediately Isak pressed right into his side and buried his face in Even’s neck, his tears soaking into Even’s shirt.

“Let it out.” Even encouraged, kissing the top of Isak’s head.

And that was it.

Like a dam had broken, Isak wept.  He clung onto Even and cried like it was the first time he had ever cried.  For almost half an hour Even lay there letting Isak cry on his shoulder, occasionally making soothing noises or pushing Isak’s curls out of his wet face.

Like all things, Isak’s tears eventually ended.  They lay silently on the bed for a few minutes, the only sound the odd sniffle from Isak as he calmed down.

“Do you have nightmares about that night a lot?” Even asked quietly and Isak nodded wordlessly.  Even had never wished so fiercely that he could turn back time.  If nothing else, he wished he could have been there for Isak back then.

“I’m sorry.” Even tilted Isak’s head up and wiped away the last of his tears.  “I’m sorry I can’t make this better for you.”

“I was so worried you’d hate me when you found out.” Isak’s words were no louder than a breath, but they felt so loud inside Even’s head.

“I think you hate yourself enough over that night.” Even looked down at Isak sadly and Isak gave a slight nod as his gaze slid away from Even’s.

“Do you think you could get back to sleep?” Even asked gently and Isak shrugged meekly, leaving Even to take initiative.  Even broke away and quickly tugged his tear soaked shirt off and dropped it onto the floor, making an over the top _ew gross_ face at Isak as he did so.  Isak let out a small embarrassed laugh, wiping his arm over his eyes to clear the last few tears.

“Thank you.” Isak whispered into the darkness when Even turned the lamp off.

“For what?” Even yawned as they got into their usual sleeping position.

“For listening, I guess.” Isak caught Even’s yawn and nestled his face against Even’s bare chest.  Isak’s cheek was a little tacky from dried tears, but Even would burn his entire movie collection before he even considered pushing Isak away.

“I’ll always listen.” Even promised.

“Even to the stupid nightmares?” Isak mumbled.  He was already falling back asleep, curling into Even’s side.

“Especially to the stupid ones.” Even whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> You made it to the end, congrats! If you wanna come shout at me about how sad this was you can find me [here](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)


End file.
